Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
