he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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