He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
