I want to make a zoo with you.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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