i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
did i just pee glitter
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
