My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
