The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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