You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I want her autograph on my taint
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
