I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
