And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
