How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
