She is in my trunk
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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