Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
