I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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