I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
