On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My pussy is not your playground.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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