dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
