the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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