my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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