sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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