i think i have two assholes
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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