ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
