I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
