this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
