White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
