i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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