I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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