dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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