and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
