oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
