you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
