Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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