she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
