do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
