1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
