i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
