She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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