After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
