we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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