What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
