I can tuck mytits in my pants
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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