i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
