Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
