We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
