Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
