you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
is wine microwaveable?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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