Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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