why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
