do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
