I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
