I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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